The Powdered Doughnut Look

Before I moved to Cali, I worked at UPS for five sucky years. That's no job for a danty princess which is exactly why it suited me so well. I didn't have to dress up or do my hair or make-up. I could cuss as much as I wanted and didn't have to worry about offending anybody. And I could always count on the boys to go out drinking with me after our shift. But there were draw backs to the job as well - in the summer you sweated your ass off and sometimes left work literally wringing out your clothes. Then in the winter, it was so cold that your hands and lips would crack and bleed from being so dry. And I was always walking around with some kind of back pain or other injury from the toll it took on my body.

One night I got off and was heading straight to the grocery to get beer and chapstick. I kept washing my chapstick and when it came out of the dryer there was nothing left. I had been out for a couple days and my lips were so chapped, it felt like I was licking sandpaper. They were cracked and hurt like hell. When I was almost to the store, I got a call from my boss saying that I forgot to turn in all of my truck keys and needed to bring them back, but I decided to go to the store first since I was already right there at it.

Meanwhile, a buddy of mine called so I talked to him while I was running into the grocery store. I grabbed the beer and chapstick and headed back to work. Before I got back, I lathered on the chapstick as if it may be my last chance to use it. I already have some kind of OCD chapstick issue as it is and on that night I used like half the tube because I was hurten' for certain. I pulled up to the door, hung up the phone and ran inside to hang up my keys.

On the way in, Aaron asked me what I had on my face. I kind of wiped at my face and didn't think much else about it. He was always fucking with me so I assumed he was then too. I went in the office and a couple of the guys were still in there wrapping up paperwork. I was making small talk and when I turned around and looked at Phil, he had a big grin on his face. As I talked, his grin got bigger. Finally, I asked him what was so funny and he asked me what I had all around my mouth. I shrugged, "Just chapstick."

"Dude, you look like Tyrone Biggums."

"What the fuck are you talking about? I just put on a bunch of chapstick cause my lips are really chapped."

"Maybe you should go look at yourself." And then he actually started laughing.

I went in the bathroom and busted out laughing because I looked like I had just eaten a box of powdered doughnuts. While I was talking on the phone, I hadn't realized that I picked up the white sunscreen instead of chapstick and without looking at myself after putting it on, I didn't know I was walking around with a big white circle around my mouth. Damn good thing I have no problem laughing at myself.